She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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