There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
