Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
