I bet he comes in French.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
