you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
