He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
