im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
