the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
