I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wish I only lived at night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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