you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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