I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
