Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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