dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
