I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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