Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
