Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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