I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
