Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
