Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
