sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
