He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
