Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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