He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
this will be a night to untag.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
