my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
