In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
