If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
