Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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