$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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