you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
