Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize