I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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