grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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