I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
