Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
