he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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