i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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