i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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