M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Operation Purity has been aborted
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
