Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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