I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
