sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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