So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
