Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
