this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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