he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize