Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
