great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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