"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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