How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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