I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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