She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize