I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
