If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
