i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize