nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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