8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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