Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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