gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
