He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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