Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
