i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
