I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
