Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
