i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
