You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
