Princesses don't give blow jobs
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize