i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
