Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
