Dual....:-)
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
