the condom got lost in my hair
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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