I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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