"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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