A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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