Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
